Beo, Grá, Gáire

Ag smaoineamhBhí mé ag smaoineamh go leor le déanaí agus ag céiríocht go fileata le mo mhac ar an saol, ar thuismitheoireacht, ar obair, ar chaidrimh, srl. Tagann an saol ort i gcéimeanna agus cuirtear iallach ort cinntí a dhéanamh nár theastaigh uait riamh.

Céim 1: Pósadh

Thart ar 8 mbliana ó shin ba é mo cholscaradh é. Bhí orm a fháil amach an bhféadfainn déileáil le bheith mar athair ‘deireadh seachtaine’ nó mar athair singil. Roghnaigh mé an dara ceann mar ní raibh mé in ann maireachtáil gan mo pháistí.

Le linn an cholscartha, bhí orm a fháil amach cén cineál fear a bhí mé ag dul a bheith. An raibh mé ag dul a bheith i mo iar-fhear céile feargach a tharraing a sean-fhear isteach agus amach as an gcúirt, a chuir droch-mheas ar a sean-pháistí, nó an raibh mé chun beannacht mo pháistí a bheith agam agus an bóthar ard a thógáil. Creidim gur thóg mé an bóthar ard. Bím fós ag caint le m’iar-bhean chéile go minic agus fiú ag guí ar son a teaghlaigh uaireanta bíonn a fhios agam go bhfuil siad ag streachailt. Is í an fhírinne, tógann sé i bhfad níos lú fuinnimh ar an mbealach seo agus tá mo pháistí i bhfad níos fearr as.

Céim 2: Obair

Ag an obair, bhí orm cinntí a dhéanamh freisin. Tá níos mó ná cúpla post iontach fágtha agam le deich mbliana anuas. D’fhág mé ceann mar bhí a fhios agam nach raibh mé riamh chun a bheith mar a theastaigh ó mo shaoiste dom a bheith. D’fhág mé ceann eile le déanaí mar nár comhlíonadh mé go pearsanta. Tá mé i post iontach anois tá sé sin ag tabhairt dúshlán dom gach aon lá… ach táim réadúil nach dócha go mbeidh mé anseo deich mbliana as seo amach ach an oiread.

Ní hé go bhfuil amhras orm, níl ann ach go bhfuilim níos compordaí le mo ‘nideoige’ i Margaíocht agus Teicneolaíocht. Is maith liom bogadh go tapa ag an obair. Nuair a mhoillíonn rudaí agus nuair a bhíonn na scileanna sin nach bhfuil spéis ag cuideachtaí ag teastáil uaim, tuigim go bhfuil sé thar am bogadh ar aghaidh (laistigh nó lasmuigh). Fuair ​​mé amach gur duine i bhfad níos sona mé agus mé ag obair ar mo chuid buanna ná nuair a bhíonn imní orm faoi mo laigí.

Céim 3: Teaghlach

Táim ag druidim le 40 anois agus tháinig mé go pointe i mo shaol ina gcaithfidh mé cinntí a dhéanamh le mo chaidrimh freisin. San am atá caite, chaith mé a lán fuinnimh ar theaghlach a bheith agam atá ‘bródúil asam’. Ar go leor bealaí, bhí a dtuairim níos tábhachtaí ná mo thuairim féin. Le himeacht aimsire, thuig mé gur thomhais siad rath i bhfad níos difriúil ná mar a rinne mé riamh.

Déantar mo rath a thomhas de réir sonas mo pháistí, cáilíocht agus méid na gcairdeas soladach, mo líonra comhlach, an meas a fhaighim ag an obair, agus na táirgí agus na seirbhísí a sholáthraím gach lá. D’fhéadfá a thabhairt faoi deara nach raibh an teideal, an cháil nó an t-ádh sin ann. Ní raibh, agus ní bheidh go brách.

Mar thoradh air sin, ba é mo chinneadh daoine a fhágáil i mo dhiaidh atá ag iarraidh mé a tharraingt anuas in áit mé a ardú. Tá meas agam orthu, is breá liom agus guím ar a son, ach nílim chun fuinneamh a chaitheamh ag iarraidh iad a dhéanamh sona níos mó. Mura n-éiríonn liom a dtuairim, is féidir leo a dtuairim a choinneáil. Tá mé freagrach as mo sonas agus ba cheart dóibh glacadh le freagracht as a gcuid féin.

Mar athair, tá lúcháir orm cé hiad mo pháistí faoi láthair, agus is breá liom iad gan choinníoll. Baineann ár gcomhráite ar bhonn laethúil leis an méid a d’éirigh leo a dhéanamh, ní lena dteipeanna. É sin ráite, táim diana ar mo pháistí mura bhfuil siad ag maireachtáil chomh maith agus is féidir.

Thit gráid m’iníon go suntasach an tseachtain seo caite. Sílim gurb é an chuid is mó de ná go raibh a saol sóisialta níos tábhachtaí ná a cuid oibre scoile. Chuir sé pian uirthi nuair a fuair sí a gráid, áfach. Chaoin sí an lá ar fad mar is mac léinn A / B í de ghnáth. Ní raibh sé chomh díomách sin is léir dom, ba é an díomá a bhí uirthi.

Is breá le Katie a bheith i gceannas sa rang agus is fuath léi a bheith ag an mbun. Rinneamar roinnt athruithe - gan aon chairde ar cuairt i rith na seachtaine agus gan aon smideadh. Ba é an smideadh an ceann ba dheacra… Shíl mé i ndáiríre go raibh sí chun poill a dhó ionam lena liathróidí súl. Laistigh den tseachtain, áfach, thosaigh a gráid ag teacht ar ais. Níl sí ag dó poill ionam níos mó, agus rinne sí gáire orm an lá eile sa charr.

Is gníomh diana ard sreinge é, ach táim ag déanamh mo dhícheall béim a chur ar an dearfach, ní ar an diúltach. Táim ag iarraidh iad a stiúradh i dtreo na farraige áille, gan iad a mheabhrú i gcónaí faoin stoirm atá taobh thiar díobh.

De réir mar a fhásann mo pháistí compordach lena bhfuil siad, is mó a thaitníonn liom cé atá ag éirí leo. Cuireann siad iontas orm gach lá. Tá páistí dochreidte agam ... ach níl aon mhíthuiscintí agam maidir le cé 'sílim gur chóir dóibh a bheith' nó 'conas ba chóir dóibh gníomhú'. Sin é dóibh a dhéanamh amach. Má tá siad sásta leo féin, lena dtreo sa saol, agus liomsa… ansin táim sásta ar a son. Is é an bealach is fearr is féidir liom iad a mhúineadh ná a thaispeáint dóibh conas atá mé ag gníomhú. Dúirt Búda, "An té a fheiceann mé, feiceann sé mo theagasc." Ní raibh mé in ann aontú níos mó.

Céim 4: Joy

Is cuimhin liom a trácht tamall siar ó ‘chara fíorúil’ maith, William a d’fhiafraigh, “Cén fáth go mbíonn ar Chríostaithe iad féin a aithint i gcónaí?”. Níor fhreagair mé an cheist riamh mar bhí orm smaoineamh go leor faoi. Bhí an ceart aige. Fógraíonn a lán Críostaithe cé hiad féin le dearcadh ‘níos iomláine ná tusa’. Tá gach ceart ag William dúshlán a thabhairt do dhaoine faoi seo. Má chuireann tú tú féin ar pedestal, bí réidh le freagairt cén fáth go bhfuil tú ann!

Ba mhaith liom go mbeadh a fhios ag daoine gur Críostaí mé - ní toisc gurb mise cé mise ach toisc gurb é an duine a bhfuil súil agam a bheith lá amháin. Teastaíonn cabhair uaim le mo shaol. Ba mhaith liom a bheith i mo dhuine cineálta. Teastaíonn uaim go n-aithneodh mo chairde mé mar dhuine a thug aire, a chuir aoibh gháire ar a n-aghaidh, nó a spreag iad chun rud éigin difriúil a dhéanamh lena saol. Agus mé i mo shuí ag obair le díoltóir righin nó le fabht atá mé ag fabhtcheartú i gciorcail, is furasta dom dearmad a dhéanamh ar an bpictiúr mór agus cúpla focal a rá. Is furasta dom fearg a chur ar na daoine ag an gcuideachta atá ag tabhairt tréimhse chrua dom.

Is é mo dhearcadh (teoranta) ar na teachtaí a chreidim a rá liom gur dócha go bhfuil na daoine sa chuideachta eile sin ag obair go crua, go bhfuil dúshláin acu atá siad ag iarraidh a shárú, agus tá mo fhoighne agus meas tuillte acu. Má deirim leat gur Críostaí mé, osclaíonn sé cáineadh dom agus mé i mo hypocrite. Is hypocrite mé go minic (ró-mhinic) mar sin bíodh leisce ort a chur in iúl dom nach Críostaí maith mé, fiú mura bhfuil na creidimh chéanna agatsa ionamsa.

Más féidir liom céim 4 a bhaint amach, fágfaidh mé an-áthas ar an saol seo. Tá a fhios agam go mbainfidh mé fíor-áthas as ... chonaic mé an cineál sin áthais i measc daoine eile agus teastaíonn uaim é dom féin. Deir mo chreideamh liom gur rud é seo atá ag Dia Is mian liom a bheith agam. Tá a fhios agam gur rud é atá ann lena thógáil, ach tá sé deacair droch-nósanna a spochadh agus ár gcroí a athrú. Coinneoidh mé ag obair air, áfach.

Tá súil agam nach raibh sé seo ró-gushy post duit. Bhí orm beagán a dhéanamh faoi shaincheisteanna mo theaghlaigh agus cabhraíonn an scríbhneoireacht go trédhearcach go mór liom. B'fhéidir go gcuideoidh sé leat, freisin!

13 Comments

  1. 1

    GREAT post! And I love knowing that I’m not the only parent that punishes by taking away the makeup. My daughter thinks eyeliner is her best friend. It’s amazing how quickly she “gets it” when she’s not allowed to have it. 🙂

    • 2

      Eyeliner is the father-of-a-13-year-old’s enemy. 🙂

      I think make-up is a slippery slope. I’ve never been a fan of a lot of make-up and my theory is that women use more and more because they get desensitized to how beautiful they really are. So… if you’re 13, you wind up looking like a Picasso by the time you’re 30.

      With a make-up break, I’m hoping Katie can see how beautiful she is and then use less later.

      • 3

        I agree. Although my daughter’s eyeliner skills came in very handy tonight as I was getting ready for the Heartland Film Festival Crystal Heart Awards gala. She proclaimed that I was “doing it wrong” and proceeded to very tastefully make up my eyes. Yeah, I’m not a big fan of makeup, mostly b/c I don’t like spending the time on it. Many women that put it on with a trowel should stop b/c they are actually very beautiful underneath. You’re a good father for trying to teach your daughter what beauty really is.

  2. 4

    Wow, what a post Doug! I really like your attitude.

    You know, there’s a great overlap between Christianity and Islam when it comes to family and social values. A lot of what you said you believe in exemplify many of Islam’s teachings. It’s funny that sometimes non-Mulsims like you do a better job of demonstrating Islamic values than some Muslims themeselves.

    So for this, I salute you! Keep up the positive attitude. You’re a great blogger, and you sure as hell sound like a hell of a dad.

    • 5

      Thanks AL,

      It’s funny you say that. I have read the Qur’an and have some friends that are Islamic. Every time we get together we find so much in common between our religions. Thanks for your compliments as well – I don’t think I’m as a good a parent as I could be, but I am trying!

  3. 6

    Sorry to say it, but this post has me debating whether to unsubscribe or not – for a few reasons:

    1. This is a blog about marketing (or that is my impression). While it’s fine to add personality and fine to mention your beliefs, a long post about religion turned me off.

    Don’t get me wrong; religion is fine and I respect your beliefs. But religion is personal, and I don’t really think it has a place on a business blog. If I wanted to read about religion, I’d subscribe to blogs with religious views.

    2. Writing about a teenage girl crying all day over bad grades makes me feel sick to my stomach. The kid isn’t disappointed, she’s most likely scared of your reaction!

    3. Writing about punishing a kid for bad grades after she cried all day (which isn’t really a normal teenage girl reaction) makes me feel even sicker. Punish someone when they’ve done something wrong and don’t regret it, sure. But when someone has made a bad choice, realized it, learned from it and is ready to do better next time, leave it at that. Let the girl build confidence. Let her do better because she wants to – not because she’s scared of punishment.

    I respect that you may or may not agree with me. I just thought you might like to know why this blog post missed the mark completely with me.

    • 7

      Hi James,

      Thanks for taking the time to write. If you feel compelled to unsubscribe, I’d be sorry to see you go but I’m okay with that. This is not a corporate blog, it’s a personal one. As such, I advise my readers on my craft but I’m also transparent in relaying my beliefs with my readers.

      Over time, I’ve become great friends with readers of my blog – mostly in part to the fact that I share both my work and my life with my readers. I do; however, keep my personal posts in my “Homefront” category so that you can avoid reading them if you’d like.

      I respect your opinion on what happened with my daughter as well. My daughter isn’t locked up anywhere :), she has quite a setup… cell phone, mp3 player, computer, television, etc. so she’s hardly ‘punished’ although taking away makeup was what gave her a hard time. I can guarantee you that she is not afraid of me. She may get upset if she thinks she disappointed me, but I’ve never given Katie a reason to be ‘scared’.

      I’m not so sure, at 13, I should have ever allowed her to put on makeup but she’s a good girl with good grades and a great attitude – so I try to give her the freedom she wants. When she shows me she can handle it, I never put boundaries on her. If you’re a parent, you know how difficult these situations are.

      I hope you stick around and get to know me! There’s good info on this blog and I love to share what I learn in the industry.

      Cheers,
      Doug

  4. 8

    Fair enough, Doug. I have a business blog as well with a category called “Personal Ramblings” for the same kind of stuff. The site’s layout and coverage so far had given me the impression it was a strictly business blog.

    I find myself in a very odd position on the Internet. I’m Canadian, and our culture tends to be far more quiet about religion than our American neighbors, many of which who tend to be quite extremist (in my opinion, and I’m not saying you’re extremist). I respect people’s beliefs and have my own as well, I just don’t like being force-fed.

    Unfortunately, that extremism has left me very wary of being bible-thumped, and my radar for the incoming thumping seems to be set on high sensitivity. So if I won’t get thumped here, I’ll stick around. Fair deal?

    As for daughters… It’s good to hear that you recognize teens need that freedom, and thanks for clearing that up. I firmly believe the tighter the leash, the more trouble parents set themselves up for. I also don’t “get” parents who wield a heavy hand with their kids. It just isn’t the answer.

    And…Got a 14-year-old and a toddler myself, so I can relate to the challenges of parenting and the power of makeup.

    Thanks again for your response. I had a bit (okay a lot) of a knee-jerk reaction to the post, so to share a little about me so you don’t think I’m a complete ass, read up on my post about knee-jerk reactions.

    • 9

      We Americans like to shove everything in everyone’s face – war, wealth, technology, music, religion… you name it and we’re proud of how bad we mess it up! When one of us is sincere, it’s difficult to take us serious.

      I lived in Vancouver for 6 years, graduating from High School there. In fact, my Mom’s side of the family are all Canadian. My grandfather is a retired officer from the Canadian forces. I’m a huge fan of Canada and can still sing the anthem (in English, I forgot the French version). My mother is Quebecois, born and raised in Montreal.

      I joke with my high school buddies that America couldn’t ask for a better toque than Canada!

      Thanks for your thoughtful response… I never took it that way at all.

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